


If I Can't Be Yours

by emerald1963, latenights



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oikawa suffering, Pining, pining fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7673614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerald1963/pseuds/emerald1963, https://archiveofourown.org/users/latenights/pseuds/latenights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If Oikawa had to rate himself, he’d say he’s been doing incredibly well at this whole <i>my-best-friend-I’m-in-love-with-is-leaving-me-for-a-girl-and-I’ll-never-be-happy-again</i> thing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Can't Be Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! We're publishing this fic to celebrate the birthday of our LITERALLY PERFECT QP Theresa (nooo it's not an hour late why would you say that)
> 
> "HBD THERESA MY LOVELY QP MY SWEET SUMMER ANGEL I LOVE YOU LOTS AAAAA"- Alice
> 
> "HAPPY BIRTHDAY THERESA I LOVE YOU TO THE OUTER REACHES OF THE UNIVERSE AND BACK I AM SO SO BLESSED BY YOU EVERY DAY *smooches you like 8 billion times*" -Kate
> 
> We hope everyone enjoys the fic!

_[so if you were to get flowers from someone what kind would be really nice and romantic?]_

He’s been staring at the text for five minutes now, thumbs hovering over his keypad. Of course, it’s no rare thing to have his friends and classmates come to him for romantic advice, he _is_ the ever popular Oikawa Tooru after all, and a little help in the ins and outs of the heart is a simple feat for him. He just has to be a sympathetic ear, gather a bit of detail, and then he’s got the solution for them. But now, he’s speechless, confused, puzzled, downright bewildered because, well, because—

This is Iwaizumi asking him for it.

Iwaizumi, who’s never had a romantic bone in his body, who’s never once batted an eye at love forecasts and couple gossip, who’s definitely never had a crush on _anyone_ since the fourth grade. It’s kind of cute- so cute, in fact, that it sends an uncomfortable swirl of anxiety through the pit of his stomach. Still he has to answer, and Iwaizumi would worry if he took more than his usual 30 seconds to reply. His phone beeps with a few more concerned messages _(“oi are you there? are you alive?”)_ before he panics a bit and decides to go for his usual teasing.

_[awww iwa-chan is trying to be romantic (´∀｀*)]_

_[just answer the damn question]_

_[who’s the lucky girl? i need to know what shes like if you wanna make a good impression]_

Half of him wants to scream at his self-induced torture of asking for his best friend to gush about his crush. His probably beautiful and smart and talented and strong crush who gets to get flowers from Iwa-chan and hold hands and skip into the sunset—

“Iwa-chan doesn’t skip,” Oikawa tells himself. He really has got to get it together. As Seijou’s Grandmaster Cupid and Iwaizumi’s best and closest friend, shouldn’t he be helping him to the most of his efforts? It takes a couple of minutes for Iwaizumi to answer (he’s always been slow at it) and Oikawa feels his heart speeding up in anticipation.

_[look cant you just tell me what you think is nice?]_

_[flowers are a very specific taste iwa-chan you HAVE to tailor it to the person]  
[now tell oikawa-san who ur trying to woo]_

_[why do i have to you just wanna find out who it is]_

_[maaaaaaaaaybe but this is serious i need to know to help you iwa-chan]_  
[after all this is a once in a lifetime opportunity of you actually getting a girlfriend]  
[we wouldnt want u to be forever alone now~] 

It’s the same line of teasing he’s used a million times before, except now it stings a lot more than it should. When Iwaizumi hadn’t showed interest in anyone, it was funny but now… Now the reality of how straight Iwaizumi probably is is hitting him hard. His phone pings again.

_[im flipping you off from my house and im putting you in a headlock for that tomorrow asshole]_

_[even tho im helping u here?]_

He can practically hear Iwaizumi grumbling over how right he is.

_[our grade]_  
[pretty]  
[smart]  
[nice smile] 

Oikawa’s nose scrunches. “Seriously?” That could be literally anyone in their whole year.

_[wow how specific]_

_[shut up thats all im telling you]_

_[im gonna have to go generic here since SOMEONES being super vague and mysterious  
(￣ヘ￣)]_

_[i just need an answer]_

Laying back on his bed, he racks his brain for flower combinations for both appearance and meaning, tries not to think too hard on the fact that Iwaizumi’s going to be the one to convey the message to his crush. Probably on the rooftop with the wind blowing dramatically, the two of them silhouetted against the clear blue sky. Only the most romantic for Iwa-chan. Nothing but the best.

_[all roses is too boring so just choose a few pink and white ones. White lilies are pretty too and pink peonies.]_

_[gotcha. thanks]_

He tosses his phone back on his bed. _Another job well done, Tooru_ , he mopes, burying his face into his pillow. _Might as well grab a hammer and break your heart now_.

******

The next day at school is exhausting, to say the least. Whenever he blinks, the conversation from last night swims in front of his eyes. Every time he passes a girl in the halls, his inner monologue sends up an alarm- is it this one? Is this the girl Iwa-chan likes? He’s always thought the girls at Aoba Jousai were pretty, although none of them could hold a candle to Iwa-chan. He’s complimented them enough times, too, noting the shine of Aya’s hair, Riko’s deep pink lips, the soft bronze of Hikari’s complexion. Now, though, their beauty hits him with even greater force. They’re all so pretty, and he’s… He stops that self-pitying train of thought right in its tracks. He can be upset, sure, but he won’t let himself be that silly. He knows how good he looks- it’s not being arrogant (much), it’s just a fact. They’re all so pretty, and he’s also pretty, but… Is he Iwa-chan’s kind of pretty? He thinks of all the “Shittykawa”s and “dumbass”es and all the mocking he’s been subjected to throughout the years and he can’t help but droop a little. Somehow he doesn’t think he is.

“Oi, idiot, are you there?” He feels the dull poke of a chopstick on his cheek and blinks himself out of Self-Pity Town, Population Tooru, and back into reality. 

“Iwa-chan!” He squawks indignantly and bats the chopstick away. Right, they’re at lunch on the roof. Not that that explains Iwa-chan’s molestation, but it at least explains his weapon of choice. “What was that for?!”

Iwaizumi sighs, speaking to Oikawa with the overenunciated tone of someone talking to an unintelligent toddler. “I said, for the third time, can I have the carrots from your bento?” Oikawa looks down at his bento, blinking. There are several tomatoes resting on top of the rest of the food, looking out of place. Iwa-chan has been generous with his most hated food already.

Oikawa shrugs. “If you want.” The energy’s drained out of him a little- when Iwa-chan has his girlfriend, she’ll eat his tomatoes for him, won’t she?

“What’s wrong with you today?” Iwaizumi asks through a mouthful of stolen carrot. “You’ve been off in the clouds all day. What are you sulking about now?”

“Nothing,” says Oikawa, sulkily. Why does Iwa-chan have to be so perceptive, anyway? And why does he have to call it something as insulting as _sulking?_ Oikawa would prefer the term _heartbroken._

“Mmhmm,” says Iwaizumi, decidedly unconvinced. “That’s obviously why you’re pouting.” He pokes Oikawa’s lip with a chopstick, and Oikawa jerks, biting the inside of his cheek in the hopes that somehow it’ll hold back a flaming blush. 

“I’m not pouting!” he defends himself. “I’m just… I’m just tired, okay, Iwa-chan? I stayed up late last night, watching game tapes… Dealing with your romantic troubles… It was a long night.” He pins his trustworthy fake smile to his face. Iwaizumi can usually see right through it, always has, but maybe this time pigs will fly and it will work. 

Iwaizumi sighs. It’s a sigh Oikawa’s heard many times before, the sigh of someone who is Done With Your Shit, Assikawa. “Yeah, sure, blame me for it.”

_But it is your fault, Iwa-chan_ , Oikawa thinks, before mentally kicking himself. That’s not fair. It’s not Iwa-chan’s fault he likes pretty, smart girls with nice smiles, girls who aren’t Oikawa. It’s no one’s fault. “Well, maybe if you’d told me who your crush was I would’ve gone to sleep earlier,” he says, trying to turn the mischievousness of his fake smile up a few notches.

Iwaizumi sighs louder, turning his head away, but Oikawa sees the crimson flush kissing the tips of his ears. “Are you ever gonna let it go, Shittykawa?” he asks. “I gave you hints, what more do you want?”

“Look at that blush, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sing-songs, poking Iwaizumi’s cheek with his own chopstick. A piece of rice clings to Iwaizumi’s cheek after the impact; he doesn’t seem to notice. Oikawa snickers to himself. “You must really like her, huh? Come on, tell Oikawa-san who it is!”

“Drop it, asshole,” Iwaizumi says, cheeks flushing pinker. “I’m not telling you shit.” He pauses for a second, eyes darting around the roof like he’s looking for a way out. “You’d never stop bothering me even if I did tell you.”

Oikawa pouts for effect this time. “That’s not true! I would be the perfect friend if you told me! I’ll help you woo her and everything!” He presses a hand to his chest dramatically. “A ladies’ man like me could certainly help even caveman Iwa-chan win the girl of his dreams!” He’s getting into this despite himself, despite the sharp ache in his chest every time he so much as thinks of Iwa-chan smiling at a girl. Maybe he’s completely sabotaging his nonexistent chances with Iwaizumi, but at least Iwaizumi will be happy. If only one of them can be, he’d rather have it be Iwa-chan. 

Iwaizumi snorts. “Yeah, and how long have you ever kept a girlfriend?” Oikawa splutters ineffectually, but before he can come up with a retort, Iwaizumi’s going on. “And you’re helping me even without me telling you, so I won’t gain anything from that, idiot. Now drop it.” His chopsticks dip into Oikawa’s bento, stealing a plump shrimp. Oikawa squawks with outrage, diving for Iwaizumi’s bento to get his revenge, and the moment passes.

******

Not that Oikawa stops thinking about it, of course.

After practice, he confronts Iwaizumi again. “It’s Kaori-chan from class 3-3, isn’t it?” 

Iwaizumi stares at him blankly, his street shoes half-tied. “What is?”

Oikawa scoffs- Iwa-chan really is dense sometimes. “Your crush, stupid Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrow. “Didn’t I tell you to drop it?”

“I did! And then I picked it back up again! Anyway, it has to be her. She has the prettiest smile in our year, and I saw you looking at her in the hallway before practice.” Oikawa smiles- it’s only a little hollow. How many times has Iwa-chan said his smile was ugly and fake?

“Have you been staring at all the girls in our year, trying to figure out which one has the prettiest smile? If you get any creepier one of them is gonna deck you.”

Oikawa winces. Again, Iwa-chan takes what he was doing and phrases it in the most insulting way possible. At this point it has to be considered a talent. “Such cruel false accusations, Iwa-chan…” 

“And if you get any more intrusive I’ll deck you myself. Look, I needed advice, not you poking your nose in every corner of my love life, okay?” Iwaizumi looks down at his shoes again, the blush returning. Oikawa can’t hear exactly what he’s muttering, but it sounds something like “You’ll find out in the end, anyway.”

Oikawa huffs out air from his nose. “Do you want me to die of curiosity, Iwa-chan?”

“I want you to stop bothering me. Death is optional.” 

“You’re the worst friend ever, you know that?” Oikawa purses his lips in exasperation. He doesn’t think he’ll actually die of curiosity, but not knowing still feels like an itch he can’t scratch, and he can’t resist the urge to dig deeper. “Just tell me if it’s Kaori-chan? Yes or no, then I’ll drop it.” _For now._

Iwaizumi buries his head in his hands. “No, it’s not Kaori. Now. Drop. It.”

Oikawa does.

For now.

******

Except he can’t drop it, not when Iwaizumi comes up to him before their last class a few days later, red-faced and, “Shit, I really hate to admit it but you’re...good. At the romantic speeches and shit. I kind of need help on that shit. I need ideas.” Oikawa can’t decide whether to be happy that Iwaizumi just semi-praised him, or bitter that he has to help Iwaizumi make a grand, foot-sweeping confession to Pretty-Smart-Nice-Smile-Crush. Call it bittersweet. He’s done enough masquerading in his life to keep his expression more on the point of smug than heartbroken, elbowing Iwaizumi with a cocky smile.

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you Iwa-chan?” He leans his ear against Iwaizumi while the other tries to push him away.

“You’re such an ass, you know that?”

“Hmm, are you sure? I’m pretty sure I heard, ‘Oh Oikawa, master of romance, please give me your wise advice for my barren love life—’”

“I told you I was gonna put you in a headlock if you don’t—”

Oikawa backs off, though his grin doesn’t leave him. Granted being locked in Iwaizumi’s arms would be a dream come true, and almost, just almost, worth the risk, but he also can’t reveal just how much he’d enjoy having his best friend manhandle him.

“Fine fine, I’ll help you on your grand speech.” _A grand speech that’ll probably make the girl swoon straight into his arms_ , his traitorous thoughts helpfully supply. He’ll have to have a good scolding with himself later. “What kind of approach were you thinking?” At this, Iwaizumi turns red again, avoiding his gaze and biting the inside of his cheek. 

“I-I guess something sincere,” he downright stammers and Oikawa feels his heart deflate a little. Iwaizumi’s got it _bad_ for his crush. The stutters, the constant blush, his staring… it’s a different side of his best friend that he’s never seen, and probably won’t see directed to him, ever. It would be easy, so easy to just leave him to his own devices, let him figure out the confession by himself but...he can’t. Not when Iwaizumi is about as romantic as an orange peel. And not when Iwaizumi’s been there for him through countless confessions and rejections and break-ups, even the most trivial ones. He could never live with himself, letting Iwaizumi down at a chance for a happiness he wished for.

“You can always start out with a good line. ‘Crush-chan, you’re the wind at my back and the volleyball at my side—’”

“I am _not_ saying that crap,” Iwaizumi says, punching him lightly in the arm but the smile on his face betrays him.

“Boooring. How about, ‘Baby, you’re a river of chocolate and an ocean of cream—’”

“I’m not trying to confess to Hanamaki.”

Oikawa laughs but his chest constricts with more affirmation of Iwaizumi's straightness. “Good point. But in all seriousness, your feelings are always sincere, Iwa-chan." He tries to swallow past the slip of a tremor in his voice. "You don't need to plan anything. It's best if you're honest and direct with it instead of reading it like a script. It's not like you." 

Iwaizumi stares at him, mouth parted in surprise, before his expression shifts to a fond smile as he deliberates on the advice. "Yeah, thank you..." His voice is achingly warm. "I think this will work out."

Oikawa thinks about Iwaizumi sharing that same private smile with a girl, their hands clasped together just right and he turns away so he doesn't have to pretend to smile. Iwaizumi could almost always pick up on that anyway. 

"Anything for you Iwa-chan."

******

If Oikawa had to rate himself, he’d say he’s been doing incredibly well at this whole _my-best-friend-I’m-in-love-with-is-leaving-me-for-a-girl-and-I’ll-never-be-happy-again_ thing. Sure, maybe he goes home some nights and cries at the thought of his lonely life without Iwa-chan and how he’s going to end up a perpetual bachelor with only his cats to keep him company (his brain likes to leave out the fact that he has at _least_ a dozen other friends and a suite of admirers to keep him company in his sad, Iwa-chan-less existence). Sure, sometimes he dreams about giving Iwaizumi the kind of really shitty romantic advice that would probably result in his dream girl spitting in his face and sending him running back to Oikawa’s arms. But he doesn’t _do_ it, and he manages to confine the meltdowns to periods when he’s alone and no one will see, and to him that counts as a victory. 

Still, though, sometimes it gets hard. The more days go by, the more convinced he is every night that tomorrow will be the day when Iwaizumi makes his move and walks home with some faceless pretty, smart, smiling girl instead of with Oikawa. Some people say that you should live every day like it’s your last, but he finds that living every day like it’s his last day as Iwa-chan’s constant companion mostly just makes him want to throw up. He’s good at pretending- Iwaizumi might not even have noticed, which is saying something- but everyone has a breaking point. 

Which is why he can be found in Seijou’s gym at nearly eleven o’clock on a Thursday night, instead of at home eating or doing homework or playing video games or anything a sane person can do. Instead, he’s serving over and over again, slamming the ball into the floor on the other side of the court so hard he’s surprised it doesn’t burst, serving until the sweat falls in rivulets down his face and makes his eyes sting. He doesn’t mind- sweat is better than tears. (A part of him is ashamed that he’s even capable of having a thought that melodramatic, but he thinks he’s put on a good enough face in public to have earned that melodrama.)

His legs are trembling in between serves, his knee starting to ache with the kind of bitter stab that tells him he can’t hold out much longer. He sits on the bench for a few minutes, panting and gulping water, then gets back to his feet. If his knee can’t handle this, then that’s its problem. He won’t quit, not when this is making him feel better than he has in days. He craves this, the breathless feeling when he’s so focused that there’s nothing else in his head but him and the twin impacts of his hand on the ball and the ball on the ground. Nothing can touch him here. Not pain, not sadness, not the ache of being left behind. He won’t be left behind on the court, and Iwa-chan won’t leave him here. They’ll still be partners, as long as he keeps serving.

The moments when he runs out of volleyballs and has to gather them up again are his least favorite. He loses focus, snaps out of that pinpoint zone where it’s just him and the ball and none of his disgusting self-pity. When he’s throwing the balls back in the cart, it’s so much easier for his thoughts to drift back to Iwa-chan and the girl who’s smart and pretty and has a great smile, the girl who’s everything Oikawa tries to be, coming so close but not close enough.

He hates himself for the thoughts. They’re ridiculous, he already told himself that. It’s not like Oikawa is failing by not being so devastatingly gorgeous and witty that Iwa-chan somehow stops being straight. If he is, he is, and there’s nothing Oikawa can do to change it. And it’s not even like they were dating in the first place. Iwa-chan getting a girlfriend won’t change that Oikawa’s his best friend. As much as Oikawa feels like this girl, whoever she is, is a usurper, she’s not stealing Oikawa’s rightful place. She’s not even stealing anything Oikawa ever had. 

Unsurprisingly, yelling at himself doesn’t make the thoughts go away. Instead of no longer hating his life, he now hates his life AND hates himself for hating his life. The only thing that does help is tossing the final balls back in the cart and wheeling it over to the other side of the court for another session. The thought of his bed is starting to sound tempting, or the thought of a nice bowl of ramen- maybe he should have eaten something other than a sports bar at the end of team practice- but he’s not willing to give this up yet. This is the place where he’s the best, or aiming to be, anyway. Here he can measure up to any stupid girl. _Maybe I could even knock her perfect shiny teeth out, see how Iwa-chan likes her smile then._ His own smile turns vicious as he pictures that for his next few serves, ignoring the blurs at the corner of his vision. 

He doesn’t even register the sound of the gym doors opening.

"I thought you'd be here." Iwaizumi's voice is worryingly calm for the state he's found Oikawa in. The setter freezes at the intrusion. He's sure he bribed Hanamaki with enough sweets to keep his whereabouts on the low, so why the hell is Iwa-chan here? 

"You really think I wouldn't be able to find you, dumbass?" He hasn't even realized Iwaizumi's made his way to him until he yanks the volleyball from his hands and tosses it in the bin. Before he can protest, Iwaizumi grabs him by the arm, starts dragging him to the bench. Any complaints Oikawa has dies in his throat, his mind more occupied on the warmth of his best friend's hand on him. He's vaguely aware that his right leg is a tad slower in his stride and his knee throbs in its spite of his realization. Iwaizumi pushes him gently onto the bench and brings a bottle to his mouth. 

"Drink," he orders. His tone leaves no room for teasing so Oikawa complies, draining the whole thing in record time. 

"Eat." There's that tone again. Oikawa begrudgingly takes the sandwich from Iwaizumi’s hand and nibbles into it before his hungry stomach forces him to wolf it down. The ace waits for him to finish, arms crossed and brows furrowed, foot tapping impatiently. Eager to yell at him, probably.

Surprisingly, when the last bite disappears into his mouth, Iwaizumi just settles next to him on the bench, staring off into the ceiling. It's silent, save for the crickets outside and the soft buzz of one of the gym's bad lights. 

"I know..." he starts, sucking in a breath to gather himself. "I know just yelling at you isn't gonna solve anything. This isn't some dumb bullshit that will get fixed like that." He turns his gaze to Oikawa, eyes searching and intense. It leaves Oikawa vulnerable, like Iwaizumi can read every guilty emotion etched into his face and he squeezes his eyes shut. 

"Hey, Oikawa, look at me." Iwaizumi's hand is on his face, his cheek. He shouldn't be enjoying this, not when his best friend doesn't know how much his heart yearns for it, but he can't force himself to pull away. Iwaizumi is warm. He slowly opens his eyes, tries not to cry at how pathetic he probably looks right now. Sweaty and gross and pained, all because he can't get over his best friend. But Iwaizumi doesn't make any remark about his appearance. He only lets out another sigh, his free hand reaching to cup Oikawa's other cheek. 

"You can't just pretend to smile and say nothing is wrong, okay?" There's a raw edge to his voice, digging into Oikawa's heart like a knife. "You gotta tell me, Oikawa, so I can help. I hate seeing you fuck yourself up like this."

How can he tell Iwa-chan? There are only so many ways this will end- either their friendship will never recover after Iwaizumi realizes how pathetically obsessed Oikawa is, or Iwaizumi will stay but feel guilty for not reciprocating. Oikawa can’t put that on him. He smiles half-heartedly and opens his mouth for some reasonable lie- and, to his horror, promptly bursts into tears. Iwaizumi says nothing but wipes them away with his thumb. 

"I-Iwa-chan, you have to p-promise me..." he starts despite the hiccups and sniffles.

He sees Iwaizumi smiling through blurry eyes. "Anything as long as it's not stupid."

In spite of himself, he laughs weakly. "If you get a girlfriend or get with someone who makes you h-happy you can't ever leave me. Ever. O-Okay? I want to still s-stay by your side."

"Dumbass. Were you worrying about this the whole time?" He pulls Oikawa to his shoulder, gently ruffling his hair. "You're the most important person in the world to me, of course I'll never leave you behind." There’s snot and tears all over his shirt and Oikawa is half embarrassed for messing it up but Iwaizumi just holds him closer, lets him cry it all out. He doesn’t even mock Oikawa for using his shirt as a tissue, like Oikawa half-expects him to. The thought hits him, as it has so many hundreds of times, that Iwa-chan truly is a good friend.

They sit there in silence for a few moments, Iwaizumi stroking Oikawa’s hair while Oikawa’s sobs and shudders slow to a stop. The tears pass like a sudden shower, gone almost as quickly as they arrived. Oikawa breathes for a few minutes more before he tries speaking, his voice still choked with phlegm.

“Thanks, Iwa-chan. Y-you’re the most important person to me too.” It doesn’t quite cover the depth of his feelings, but it’s as far as he can go without giving everything away, and his cheeks are already blotchy enough from crying that Iwaizumi won’t be able to see his blush.

“I’m glad,” Iwaizumi says softly.

A few seconds later, Oikawa thinks he’s calm enough to pull away from the comforting circle of Iwaizumi’s arms. “We should go home,” he says, voice barely even trembling. “It’s late.”

Iwaizumi snorts a little to himself. “You’re telling me,” he says. “I’d be asleep by now if it weren’t for you being an idiot who’d rather go half-kill himself from overwork than talk about his problems.”

Oikawa can’t really deny that. He humphs quietly, standing up. “Iwa-chan is such an old man. It’s not even midnight yet. What self-respecting high school student is asleep at midnight?”

“Ones who have to wake up for morning practice and have half a brain.” Iwaizumi stoops to collect a few scattered volleyballs and throw them back into the ball cart. 

“Ha, so you’re finally admitting you only have half a brain!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa. Get over here and help me or I’ll kick you.”

Oikawa joins him, feeling distinctly better. He’s Iwa-chan’s most important person, better than any cute little Crush-chan. Iwaizumi’s never been one to lie or prevaricate- if he said it, he meant it. Maybe things will be okay after all. 

******

Abort mission. Things are not okay.

Oikawa doesn't know what deity he's offended in his past life but he's completely certain that this kind of punishment is overkill. So much for their heartfelt conversation and promise last night; Iwaizumi is, without a doubt, avoiding him today.

They hadn't taken their walk to school together this morning, which was fine. Oikawa understood that Iwaizumi sometimes had to help his little sisters at home get ready for school when they overslept, and he hadn't been too worried at all then. But that was only the beginning.

He had greeted his best friend as soon as he saw him in the halls, arm slung over his shoulder while giving Iwaizumi his usual peace sign, only for the ace to scramble away with a mumbled excuse and run off. Not only that, Iwaizumi hasn't looked him in the eye once all day, opting instead to stare into space (thinking about Crush-chan no doubt) and anyone else but him. Iwaizumi didn't even join him for their usual rooftop lunch break. To make matters worse, every time he so much as brushes against him, Iwaizumi flinches as if burned and steps back to increase their distance. It stings just as much as stepping on a thousand Lego pieces barefooted and it’s even more frustrating that he can’t even confront his friend about it because _apparently_ Iwaizumi’s more interested in dodging and disappearing every time Oikawa makes his way around the corner. 

“Stupid Iwa-chan,” Oikawa mutters, peeking from behind the doors of their clubroom. Iwaizumi’s there, talking and rolling his eyes over something Hanamaki’s said, while Matsukawa chuckles softly at his own boyfriend. He can’t quite hear the conversation but he doesn’t really need to because Hanamaki suddenly smacks Iwaizumi on the ass with a smug grin and Iwaizumi shoves him back before they both dissolve into a play fight with Matsukawa officiating the tap outs. _What the hell, I can’t even put my arm around him but Makki slaps his ass and it’s fine?_

He comes in just as Iwaizumi puts Hanamaki into a chokehold and Matsukawa is trying to get Hanamaki’s stubborn pride to give up before the ace squishes his little pink head. Luckily (for Hanamaki anyway, damn you Makki) Iwaizumi lets go as soon as he sees Oikawa and excuses himself to head first into the gym.

“Thanks for saving him,” is the first thing Matsukawa says to him, while Hanamaki interjects with a scoff.

“Please, I almost had him.”

“Right, you were so close, with your head trapped in his arms and all.” They fake bicker for a bit more until Oikawa can’t handle any more of their unintentional bragging about their lovey-doveyness being thrown at his face and he just lies down on the floor like a starfish. A pathetic, heartbroken, lonely starfish. The other two immediately stop talking and Hanamaki prods at his waist with the tip of his shoe.

“Alright cupcake, what’s wrong?” Hanamaki says, squatting down to meet his eye level better. “Tell Uncle Makki.”

Oikawa groans. “Don’t call yourself that ever again, please.”

“I second that,” Matsukawa helpfully adds.

The room is silent, the couple waiting for their captain to pour out his heart and soul from the depths of his floor-ridden despair.

“Iwa-chan is avoiding me,” he blurts out, covering his eyes with his forearm. His friends glance at each other and nod gravely. This isn’t Oikawa’s usual theatrics and dramatic complaints; those tend to be accompanied by at least twenty sighs and poses. _This_ , however, is truly something serious.

“Why do you say that?” Matsukawa asks and Oikawa groans pathetically again.

“He hasn’t even so much glanced at me the whole day and he’s skipped lunch time and every time I touch him he just runs away like he can’t wait to get out of my sight. And then… and then…” He sucks in a breath and glares at the ceiling. “I find Makki-chan smacking on Iwa-chan’s ass and _why_ does he hate me, _why_ is he avoiding me, _why_ can’t I smack Iwa-chan’s ass too?”

The last bit comes out too loud, echoing through the whole clubroom.

“Would it help,” Hanamaki whispers, “if I smacked your ass too or—”

“ _No,_ it won’t help me at all.” Oikawa bites his lip, tries not to tear up when he thinks about the conversation they had last night. “H-He said I was the most important person to him and he promised to never ever leave me,” he mutters, hating how his voice trembles. “But then he goes on and does this and he’s such a jerk.” 

Hanamaki hums thoughtfully, before getting to his feet. “That’s a damn unsatisfactory bitch of a situation,” he points out and reaches out a hand for Oikawa to grab onto. “First though, there are better places to wallow in your self pity than on the ground.” Nodding, Oikawa takes it and pulls himself up, using his other arm to wipe at his wet eyes. “Second, you two are really fucking dense.”

Oikawa splutters. “What the hell Makki!?”

“What he’s _trying_ to say is,” Matsukawa, the more tactful of the two, intervenes, “Iwaizumi doesn’t hate you and you probably just caught him at a bad time, that’s all.”

“But why is he only acting all distant with me?” Why after their promise to stick together? Iwaizumi has never been known to lie (he’s the worst liar, if he were being honest) and he’s certainly never been one to make false promises, so why? 

"Ask him later when he's done being weird, but maybe he needs some time right now to think for himself," the blocker assures calmly. "It's really not possible for him to avoid you forever."

"And you can smack his ass all you want then," Hanamaki cheerfully adds.

The comforts help just a bit and Oikawa decides to dial down the self pity a few notches so he can change and focus on practice. Although, it's hard not to think about the whole crush thing when Hanamaki and Matsukawa are teasing each other while they're getting dressed too. It's not on purpose, but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

More bitter still when Iwaizumi spikes all his tosses but won't look him in the eye as they walk past each other and changes in record time, bolting out the door with only a quick farewell to him. 

"It's fine, they'll figure it out eventually," he hears Matsukawa mutter quietly to Hanamaki behind him. He can't bring himself to believe it.

******

That night is hard. He doesn’t go to the gym and practice himself into oblivion- Iwaizumi would hate it if he did, so for this one night he’ll follow Iwa-chan’s wishes. Still, after a day like this, the fears of Iwa-chan dropping him entirely for his perfect, beautiful Crush-chan haunt him. He needs something to drown his sorrows.

He chooses ice cream. On the way home from school, he stops at a convenience store. (He thinks he sees Iwa-chan going into a florist’s shop down the street but tries very very very hard not to think about it- there are lots of people with spiky hair, and recently he’s seen Iwa-chan around every corner. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t.) He beats down the urge to scoop the entire shelf of ice cream into his basket and instead just grabs a pint of chocolate, as well as a few packets of milk bread. He’s earned it, after these past few weeks. At least the empty calories will never leave him.

When he gets home, he curls up on the couch with a blanket over him and the ice cream next to him (much to the consternation of his mother, who insists on feeling his forehead to see if he’s sick and then brings him a cup of ginger tea for whatever ails him). He flicks through TV channels, grimacing and sticking his tongue out at the screen when one of the channels displays a couple locked in a passionate kiss. He’s thought enough about stuff like that for a lifetime. 

Eventually, he gives up on the TV channels as a lost cause, reaching into the DVD cabinet and pulling out his old copy of _E.T._ This movie has never let him down. He loses himself in it for a while, smiling at the tale of the alien and the boy he befriends. He’s seen it enough times that it’s like an old, familiar friend he can immerse himself in at need. (He tries to block out thoughts of the other old, familiar friend who’s sat next to him so many times as he watched this movie, never quite as rapt as Oikawa was but willing to go along with it for his best friend’s sake.) It’s good, for a while.

Things start to fall apart with about half an hour left in the movie. As E.T.’s health declines, Oikawa can feel tears sparkling in his eyes; they start to fall when E.T.’s friends find him half-dead by the side of the road. By the time he gets to the movie’s iconic scene, he’s sobbing, the tears falling too hard for him to even make out the subtitles as E.T. and Elliott rise into the sky on their bike. “Why did you have to leave, E.T.-chan?” he wails softly when the credits start to roll. “You left him all alone to be with your stupid alien friends… Why didn’t you stay, he needed you, stupid E.T.-chan…” He sniffles and takes another huge bite of ice cream. “Stupid Iwa-chan…”

Wallowing is almost fun in a perverse way for a little while, but he has his limits. His eyes are starting to sting and swell, and he’s eaten so much ice cream he’s starting to feel a little sick. He’ll definitely feel this in the morning, and he needs to be at his best in the morning. What if Iwa-chan asks him for more romantic advice? He needs to be ready.

He leaves the ice cream melting on top of the kotatsu and heads to the bathroom. When he gets there, he turns the taps on and scrubs his face, washing off the remnants of snot, tears, and ice cream. The cool water makes him feel a little better, more grounded in reality. 

“Listen, Tooru,” he tells his red-eyed, messy-haired reflection. “Whiny time is over. Iwa-chan needs you to help him get a girlfriend and be happy, so that’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna be the b-best, most supportive friend-” his voice wobbles a little- “and you’re gonna be happy for him no matter what.” He points at himself in the mirror firmly to emphasize his point. “You can do it.”

He thinks he can, is the funny thing. He doesn’t know if the pain will go away- maybe it will only get worse, especially when Iwaizumi confesses and gets accepted, as he’s bound to do- but he thinks he can bear it. Seeing Iwa-chan happy with someone else will hurt, yes, but it’s still better than seeing Iwa-chan sad. Even if Iwaizumi pulls away from him, telling his secrets to the untouchable perfect Crush-chan, well… That’s how it’s supposed to happen, isn’t it? You grow up and you find someone to share everything with. It’s the natural progression of things. Oikawa could never have kept Iwaizumi entirely to himself. He’ll just content himself with the moments he can spend with him, even if they’re fewer now. Their friendship is strong enough to survive this. It has to be.

He spends the rest of the night playing Fire Emblem on his 3DS and trying very hard not to cry. He’s made his decision: let Iwa-chan be happy, do anything he needs to to help him be happy, no matter who he’s happy with. It’s the right decision, he knows. So he shoves down the tears and loses himself in the strategy of the game, setting it to lunatic mode to distract himself even more. Watching the characters die gruesome deaths over and over is worryingly calming, somehow. By the time he’s done for the night, he feels almost normal. But all his dreams are filled with a dread of the morning.

******

Too busy thinking about his pathetic predicament, he almost misses the note in his locker, a pretty writing on floral stationery. 

_'Come meet me on the school rooftop before class starts.'_

His heart sinks down to his stomach. It's not like he has the emotional capacity to let this person down in his usual smooth way, but it'd be terrible of him to be a no-show to someone who's worked up the courage to confess to him. Not to mention all the work they put into making their handwriting neat and near calligraphy quality. He tucks the note into his jacket pocket and makes his way to the roof, chest constricting with each step. Funny how the world works, for him to be rejecting someone because he can't get over someone who's soon going to reject him, no doubt.

As soon as he opens the double doors, he finds only Iwaizumi standing there, bouquet for Crush-chan in his hands. Every cell of his body is screaming for him to run unless he wants to be a masochist and watch his best friend and his best friend’s soon-to-be girlfriend fall for each other. But he has his own admirer to tend to, so he steps out, plasters a smile on for Iwaizumi as he waves to him. 

"Someone's gonna confess to me in a few minutes, Iwa-chan, so you need to pick a different place too woo your girlf-"

“They’re for you.”

Oikawa stumbles a step back as Iwaizumi literally shoves the flowers at him, some of the petals crushing against his chest. It takes a second for his hands to remember how to move; when they do, they clutch the bouquet, securing it as tightly as they can to himself. He can feel the wild thrum of his heart banging on the inside of his ribs.

“Iwa-chan, what are you doing, I don’t understa-”

Iwaizumi’s eyes are burning with a fire more intense than Oikawa’s ever seen. “They’re for you, I told you! All of this, it’s for you!” He waves his hands around a little wildly, gesturing at nothing in particular. He opens his mouth, seemingly chokes on his words, and closes it before trying again. “I- you’re- look, I’m not good at this shit, I already told you, can’t you just- take the hint-”

Oikawa does. His jaw drops unbecomingly and he stares at the flowers in his hands, the bouquet he’s hated in spirit since Iwaizumi first texted him about it. White roses, pink roses, white lilies, pink peonies. For him, it was all for him, all this time…

“Iwa-chan, you _jerk_ ,” he says quietly, and this time Iwaizumi’s jaw is the one dropping. “Do you have any idea what you just put me through? I thought you were leaving me behind for some _girl_ , I was devastated! Do you even know how much ice cream I had to eat to try to get over you?”

Iwaizumi looks slightly stunned. He has the distinct air of someone who has imagined a hundred different possibilities for how this situation would go but never thought of anything close to this. 

Oikawa keeps ranting, building up a head of steam. He’s not even mad, exactly- or maybe he is. He’s feeling too many feelings right now to pick out any one of them, although he’s sure that joy is probably in there somewhere. “Why did you have to be so distant, you idiot? You let me think you were going to ask some stupid Crush-chan out and leave me alone, and now it turns out stupid smart pretty Crush-chan with her perfect smile was me the whole time! I can’t believe you!” He’s not entirely sure if he’s making sense- he’s too far gone for sense. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning so wide his face is going to fall off, though, in spite of his words.

Iwaizumi’s finally recovered enough from the shock of his confession going sideways to react. Of course, his natural reaction is yelling. “I was nervous, okay? Fucking sue me, I’ve never done this before and I didn’t know what you were gonna think! I was never avoiding you or leaving you behind, I was just worried you were going to do the same to me once you knew!” His face is turning even redder than it already was, from embarrassment or anger or both. Whichever it is, there’s an inexpressibly fond pang in Oikawa’s chest. Iwa-chan getting so worked up over him… It’s adorable, even though he’s gone about just about everything in the wrongest way possible.

“You really do only have half a brain, Iwa-chan, I would never,” he says, hugging the flowers closer to him. “I can’t believe you asked me for romantic advice on how to ask me out, who’s dumb enough to do that?”

“Look, I’m new at this! I’ve never l-liked anyone other than you-” Oikawa would literally clutch his chest if he weren’t doing it already, Iwa-chan is _stuttering_ over him, how cute is that?- “and I didn’t know what to say, and you’re an expert at this sappy romantic shit!”

“And you didn’t think to ask literally anyone else? Maybe someone who’s actually dating someone? Maybe someone who wouldn’t think that you were asking out the girl of your dreams and leaving your poor best friend to rot in the dust?” 

Iwaizumi looks down, looking like he’s about to explode from embarrassment. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“I haven’t even said yes yet, you know,” says Oikawa, suddenly realizing that he actually hasn’t said yes.

“...Aren’t you going to?” Iwaizumi seems to shrink in on himself a little, and Oikawa can practically hear him thinking that he’s made a huge mistake. His stomach twists a little at the sight. This won’t do.

It only takes a step to bridge the distance between them. Iwaizumi’s lips are chapped and a little rough, but so warm, it feels like sunlight is pouring into Oikawa from the place where their lips connect, filling him to the brim. Iwaizumi stands shocked for a second, then his hands move to cradle Oikawa’s face. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s waist, the flowers staying snugly between them from the pressure of their bodies. They’ll probably be even more crushed after this, Oikawa thinks, but it’s worth it.

“Yes, Hajime,” he says quietly when they break apart. “I’m going to say yes. Although it’d be nice if you actually confessed to me first, instead of just shoving me while holding flowers and then telling me to figure it out myself.”

“I wasn’t _that_ bad,” Iwaizumi protests weakly.

“Yes, you were,” Oikawa says firmly. “That was a disaster. I haven’t once heard you say how much you love me… Or how pretty I am, how smart, how irresistibly attracted you are to my gorgeous smile…” He shows off said smile, a genuine one this time.

Iwaizumi has his _I-regret-everything face_ on. “I bought you flowers and everything… They cost a whole two thousand yen, asshole.”

Oikawa looks down at the flowers, slightly crushed and starting to wilt, and feels another bubble of that sheer fondness rising in his chest. “They’re… really nice flowers, Iwa-chan,” he says softly. “But that still doesn’t get you out of it. After everything you put me through, I at least want to hear you say how you feel.”

Iwaizumi swallows hard and takes a few seconds to collect his thoughts. “Okay. But you can’t laugh.”

Seeing him this nervous is even more endearing. Oikawa nods. “Fine, Iwa-chan. No matter how ridiculous you are.”

Iwaizumi gulps and begins. “Tooru, I- I love you. When I told you you were the most important person to me, I meant it. I wouldn’t ever want to find someone else to make me happy- you’re a pain sometimes-” (Oikawa pouts)- “but I’d never trade it for anything, you know? You’ve always been my partner, the person who makes me strong, who makes me better, and I guess… I just want it to keep on being that way forever. The two of us together against anything. And…” his face turns a hitherto unreached shade of tomato red. “You’re really pretty, and really smart even though you rub it in my face, and your smile… When it’s the real one, it's the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He pauses, more embarrassed than Oikawa has ever had the privilege to see him. “Are you happy now?”

Oikawa doesn’t realize that there are tears in his eyes until he blinks and two of them fall. “I was right, Iwa-chan,” he says, voice clogged.

“What?” Iwaizumi squints.

“You really are at your best when you’re honest and direct.” He leans forward to hug Iwaizumi close again, burying his face in his shoulder. “I love you too,” he says wetly. “I never want to be without you.”

Iwaizumi’s hand moves to the small of his back and pulls him closer. “I’m sorry for making you think I liked someone else,” he murmurs. “I didn’t think of it that way…”

“It’s okay, Iwa-chan.” It really is okay now. Iwa-chan loves him, that’s worth all the buckets of tears he could ever cry. “You can pay me back for it in kisses. And milk bread. Oh, and there’s a new volleyball magazine out on Tuesday…”

“You’re terrible,” Iwaizumi grumbles fondly. “We’ve only been together for three minutes and you’re already extorting me.” He moves in and kisses Oikawa again and chases the insult away.

Yeah, things are definitely okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate titles:  
> "Let Oikawa Smack That Ass 2k16"  
> "Oshietooru"  
> "Somebody Call 911 Because I'm Gay"  
> "Wake Oikawa Tooru Up Inside"  
> "I've Never Actually Seen E.T."  
> "*Kotoumi voice* Lonely My Love, Lonely My Heart"  
> "Chromgratulations Tooru"
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, everyone! We hope you enjoyed! We can both be found on Twitter (Alice at [@issei_matsukawa](), Kate at [@iwaoiaesthetic](https://twitter.com/iwaoiaesthetic)) for questions or comments or anything else!


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